I am a sucker for all things sweet.

by Anastacia Clementson

Today was a beautiful day. It was all sunny, not a single cloud was seen in the sky as I looked all the way up through the lone tamarind tree, the leaves acting as shade against the sun’s heat. I had climbed up to stock up on tamarind to make tamarind-ball later. 

 My mom was picking gooseberries from the neighbor’s yard across the unpainted wood fence. I had noticed she liked those sour fruits, but gooseberries were very sour. My face scrunched up as I thought about the taste.

“Mom, I’m going to make tamarind balls, do yuh wan some?”, I called as I climbed down. My aunt said that too many sour things make your life bitter. I think my mom should eat more sweet things.

My mom looked over with a serious expression while sucking on a gooseberry. Her expression was always serious, with very sharp eyes. She shook her head no then went back to putting the gooseberries into her makeshift basket of her top.

When I came down, I sat under the tamarind tree & looked at her a bit. I was careful about it as my mom didn’t like people staring at her, it got her rowdy & angry. My gran said my mom’s birthday is coming up soon & we should do something for her. I wasn’t sure what to do, my mom & I weren’t very close as I grew up with my grandmother & aunts but it was sad seeing her look sad all the time.

Apparently, my mom was very sick at one point & couldn’t take care of me so she had to stay in the hospital. She only recently came home.

That’s when I thought about it, ‘I can make cheesecake for mom.’ 

Ever since eating the cheesecake bought by my aunt from Mackie’s Bakery last month I have been eyeing the box of cheesecake at Uncle Sidney’s store for a while, wondering about the taste. It was very creamy when I ate it, with a tangy flavor that was sweet but not a lot. It lingers though & leaves a warm feeling. I can’t remember what fruit was used to top it with, but I think it had some lemony zest to it. What I do remember is that it made me happy. It made everything feel better. I wanted mom to feel that way, good, happy, not so sour all the time.

Something sweet is definitely the cure all, & I’m not just saying this because I wanted to try the cheesecake again or that my hands always go to the sweet jar when passing by the kitchen or because I used granny’s change to always buy fruit flavored sweets.

I am aware of not overdoing it but candy does help to make the day better. There is just something to be said about the sweet creaminess of white chocolate or the rich milkiness flavor of milk chocolate or even the sweet bitterness of dark chocolate when you’re having a down day or having a craving for creamy cocoa. Then there are candies that taste like watermelons, mangoes, pine or even peppermint, they’re endless. 

After buying the box-cheesecake, I had followed the directions to a ‘T’. I first whipped the sugar & melted butter together with the crust mix with a wooden spoon. Some got on my fingers so yes, I did taste it, then wanted more. Yes, it was sweet, but I also tasted the creamy cornflake-like flavor that the blend created. I was indeed tempted to eat all but was more curious about the final creation. Plus, my sister was there, for a 7-year-old she was a lot more restrained than I was at 11.

My sister had greased gran’s glass bowl with butter, added the crust to cover the bottom while I got to the filling. We had worked in the mini kitchen upstairs, there is rarely anyone there because all the food is cooked downstairs but that also leaves us lacking in some tools but it wasn’t much of a biggie. We had already sneaked the basics out.

I added the milk to the mix then beat it together. It took a long, long time to make it look as it did in the pictures as we were lacking a mixer, but the filling was indeed thick & the color was right & so was the taste, sweet, tangy & rich creaminess. I was just doing a little test when my sister surprised me.

“no eating, it’s for mammy,” she had accused with one hand on her hip while pointing to my fingers that were about to dip into it. 

I had dropped that hand as I did feel a tad guilty then gave the filling covered spoon to her, “how it tastes, nice?”, I had compromised.

Sissy hmphed but took the spoon to taste, cleaning it bit by bit, “Sweet”, she said while moving to the back of it.

After putting everything together then refrigerating, it was served to my mom in style. I had sissy push her unto the balcony where we had set up a little table with chairs for the three of us. I had sneaked out three of my gran’s fancy little saucers with matching teacups for the occasion. My sister had served the strawberry cheesecake with passionfruit juice that was blended together by my uncle. The setting was perfect.

My mom of course did not say much, but she was a bit different too. Her face didn’t seem so serious & unsmiling. I think she smiled a bit when we sang “happy birthday”, it was a surprisingly shy, sweet smile.

My sister mostly kept her entertained with what happened at school & how we made the dish. She is a lot closer as she had grown up with mom but it was the first time that we had sat together I think, just us with our mom. It seemed so normal.

Now, that was years ago & I find myself in a similar situation. This time my niece, Tashy, will be making a dessert for her mom, sissy. She had made a card, but she had the feeling of making something so with all the tools there it was quite spontaneous.

I selfishly gave the suggestion of making fudge. I had been craving it for some time & the person who made them the best in the family was not available. Thus, I had to settle.

That day I was babysitting my small niece at Sissy’s home in Jersey City. Tashy had just arrived from school & filled with stories & energy to do -something. The girl had grown accustomed to a day with aunty being a day to create. We had once made little diyas of different colors into paper then pinned them to the walls. Sissy was tolerant as they were removable, plus it gave the walls some color for Diwali.

“Aunty, I’m ready…”, Tashy called.

I tore myself from the television showing ‘Sing 1’ to enter the kitchen.

For the fudge we needed water, condensed milk, butter, vanilla & nutmeg. I was eager to get to work mixing everything into a pot while I had my niece read the instructions. This didn’t last though as she was eager to do too. I had her prep the pan by greasing it with butter. After everything had heated up & thickened on the stove then it will be poured into that pan to cool.

This is not what happened.

What should have been 15 minutes to thicken on the stove took more than an hour. I had added a tad too much water so it took about 4 times the expected time to thicken. As I drooped over the embarrassment of showing my utter lack of skills in the kitchen to my very impressionable niece, she was on the phone with her mom- then her dad.

“aunty Sweet put too much water mommy. I told her it was too much, I asked her & I asked her mommy”, Tasha laughed as she gushed to her mom about her know-it-all aunty making a mistake.

I swear I heard Sissy tried to stop herself from laughing over the phone too. 

“Tashy watch her good, don’t let yuh aunty mess up my stove,” her voice came from the phone. 

Coincidence of coincidence that was just what was happening too. We had added some more milk & other ingredients to balance out the excess water & now it was boiling unto the stove. I acted quickly, giving my niece a dead stare to warn her to be quiet, I took the phone & rushed Sissy off it while stirring the pot. Fortunately, the stove was saved any extreme flooding of what was beginning to look like liquid toffee.

Of course, my niece still called her dad. Aye, aye , aye…

Then there was the mixing, we took turns to keep stirring to keep our concoction from spilling over the pot. So we stirred & stirred & stirred. It, of course, did spill over a few more times. I had already determined I would be on clean up duty.

Our arms were pretty tired by the end of it but our mouths went a minute a second as we distracted ourselves chatting. My niece told me about her school, we did some homework & had our own impromptu karaoke sess. My niece got her Sing in & I had to add a bit of Bon Jovi into our mashup.

The weirdest thing was my niece’s YouTube shorts, she liked watching either-or videos where words at the top of the head determined what you eat, if you lie for the day or if you held your breath. Some were kind of funny but others, troubling.

When the fudge finally thickened nearly satisfactorily, we first placed my sister’s plastic cookie cutters into the pan, all greased up. They were shapes of a star, a stickman, an animal, etc. Then we poured the toffee-like fudge into the pan where they were placed. The idea was that when it dries, they will retain these shapes. 

However, the fudge never completely dried as it should’ve, it really looked like the not so smooth caramel toffee. It tasted like it too. We had all started calling it that by the time my sister came home. So, we told her we made her toffee.

I let Tashy dress up the shapes in a design, with sprinkles & different colored frosting. I saw she had a lot of fun with it.

Thus, it was no surprise that though I was left the stove to clean up she had the task of the table where she had dribbled frosting everywhere. It looked like a rainbow of smudged polka dot colors. 

Her mom usually called ahead when she’s close by to check on things so we had turned off all the lights except for a lamp in the living room that had a plate with Tashy’s toffee creation. It was quite colorful but Sissy had a big smile & squeezed both girls as they danced around her to wish her Happy mother’s day.

However, while eyeing the toffee-like fudge, while smiling for the girls- Sissy squinted & said, “Tashy, your Aunty burn the kitchen down?”